Country Chronicles: The Things I want to Remember Summer 2012

Summer 2012 spun fitfully to an end tonight. The kids, each of them a spinning gear, sucking the other into the mechanism. I think it is only safe that we put a bit of distance between them. It is time to get back to school.

It was marvelous though…this summer of 2012. I would not be surprised if when I rock in my old age home someday if this is the summer I return to. The jokes. The reckless independence; the sucking dependence…The tension between the two. The laughter, the long legs that still love to curl into me, the friendship forming between two of my favorite people.

 

I had my first garden at the ranch this year. The harvest certainly will not feed our family for any length of time, but it was never really the point anyways. I was eager for my kids to know where food came from, for them to eat raspberries from the vine again, to learn to love sun warmed tomatoes, to sit and shell peas. For that it worked. Every time I told the children I was going to the garden they would say “Wait mamma, I’m coming, let me get my gardening mittens”. And down the hill they would truck, basket in hand, and would try to find vegetables that were ready.

 

 

 

 

We all learned to really love Sam this summer. He ended up at the pound in June. He went for too many walks while we were in California and got into a bad habit. It is quite extraordinary though, he seems to have learned his lesson and has not left since we got him home. He puts up with a lot this dog. E has completely sat on him. O chases him around. He makes the face above and tries to sit on us all. He only gets upset when he can’t be with his people. Yup. He is officially our dog.

 

 

The kids went huckleberry picking for the first time this summer. Huckleberries are as much a part of my family heritage as anything. As a child I can remember finding out that other people ate them and I thought they were hedging on our territory. Please don’t ask me where this photo was taken. I will not tell you. I would give you a kidney if you needed one, but telling you about this huckleberry patch would result in excommunication from my family and also less huckleberry pie…two sacrifices I am not willing to make.

 

 

 

 

We swam a lot. We played in the sandbox a lot. We put the sprinkler under the trampoline EVERY DAY in July. We roadtripped to California. We went to Osoyoos once a week and had a great time with daddy. We play A LOT of princesses, cars, pirates, ponies, and “chase each other around the table whilst screaming”.

 

The funniest story of the summer was when O got angry with me, ran to his room, and slammed the door. Five minutes later the door opened and O asked “Mom, how do I spell NO MOMS ALLOWED?”. I stifled a laugh and then I told him, on account of the fact that it is like pulling teeth to get him to write anything. There was a sign on his door the rest of the day. The printing was really good my pride in that overwhelmed all other emotions 😉 The kids also graduated to new vocabulary hilarity this summer. I’ve a journal free of one liners that would make you laugh your face off.

Fall 2012 will hit like a fist tomorrow I am sure. Better get to sleep!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Five Minute Friday (on Monday): HERE

Here I know the back alleys and the street names. That is the restaurant I acquired my caffeine addiction and the boys learned to blow smoke rings. Later it would be the same place that the name Jesus would be proclaimed over the God I had always prayed to. There is the bridge we first said our “I love you”s and this is the tree I carved our initials on. Here is the field I played sports on, my elementary school where I would learn to read and write and also about betrayal, false friends. Here where I worked my first job, where I learned self-confidence and also that grown ups shop lift, cheat on their husbands, are not all saints and in fact might all be sinners. Here where I met my dear friend at the deli to spy on our crushes.

Here we mark the month by the harvest. It is early August…we pick huckleberries, raspberries, fresh herbs, lettuce. I hear my mother talk to the kids about forest fires. My dad tells them of his pet flying squirrel, of the speed with which my granny could pick the berries. All I hear is the planting and growing of memories.

Here we wind through the valley bottom on the cool river waters. We listen to the meadowlark. We startle the deer. I think about conversations with friends, with my siblings. Those that would shape the way my brain works.

And here, I think, I’ve vanished from some of her memory. I walk streets anonymously, a visitor from the city. It is the curious thing about the places that shape us. As much as we like to think we have equivalent impacts in return. 100 years, all new people, somehow I relax in this. Here, has a short memory, best to bury your treasure in a place where it will not rot, in the hearts of those relationships that prove to be true in the long haul, and in the throne room of the treasure bestower who has a long memory.

(I don’t know how to reference a tweet but this post was partially inspired by a tweet by @annelamott “It’s such a relief to come out of a tailspin, & remember again how wild & precious our time here is; how, in 100 years, all new people.”)

Imaginary and Parallel

I have a parallel and imaginary life I escape to sometimes.

It involves artists and writers and music being played too loud and too late. It involves tiny cups, steaming and dark brown and larger tumblers, warm and red.  It is flowing skirts on cobblestone streets lined with flower shops. It sounds like water lapping the shore and it involves an MFA in creative writing. It is walks down ancient streets, white paper and black ink and me overlooking the mediterranean ocean.

It is 98% solitude and zero responsibility. I think that is sort of the point of its genesis. When life looms heavy over me. When I am all grown up and too responsible I escape there. My good man can sense it clear and the best thing about him is how he always knows when to push me out; when to pull me close.

So yesterday I took a whole day. I read in a cafe patio for three hours. I shopped in beautiful stores with breakable things and didn’t even ‘break’ a sweat. I looked soothingly at the sweaty mother pulling her three-year old around.  I drove back roads and mountain highways and I wrote for three hours in a mountain lodge. I listened to my music loud and I let my hair fly free. I met a writer friend in the woods and we talked of womanhood and life and the imaginary life that is perhaps a future season. We talked of how to embrace the beauty of the now. How maybe it is possible to be all mom and a little bit passionate and expansive. How to bring the parallel words into one common path. We prayed amongst her children and in the middle of a youth camp and I was distracted…yet. It is the real and it is the now and I don’t want to miss a moment.

I drove home faster and I crawled under quilts and tickled her soft skin. My wild heart found in the place that helps it be the most passionate and free of all. Him, they, this life. The one I choose, today, every day.

(Post inspired by Laisha Rosnaus poem “Sister Life” which I read I thought….I’m not the only one!)

What is saving my life right now…

I am ABSOLUTELY stealing this prompt idea from Sarah Bessey. Please don’t give me any creative credence. She wrote “When I re-read a book recently, and the author wrote about how she was supposed to speak at an event, and when she asked which topic they would like to here her expound upon, they said, well, just tell us what is saving your life right now.”

So without further ado…WHAT IS SAVING MY LIFE RIGHT NOW

 

 

The beauty of the sunset falling so heavy it makes me ache. Two beloveds in my lap. Madeline L’Engle. The Psalms. Sunsets. Deck dates. A.A. Milne. Jesus Storybook Bible. Fresh berries from fruit stands. The things they say (a 5 and a 3…the funniest). Burrowing Owl. Quiet. Silence. Stillness. Cars, princesses, sprinklers, sidewalk chalk. Long baths. Digging out. Making plans. Picking weeds. Coffee. Coffee. Coffee. Clean floors (for this single moment at least). A shortening to do list. Grace; learning to receive it, wear it, walk in it, live in it.

And as week three of camp winds down and we see the light of daddy returning…always…always…the hardest days…So also? Saving my life? Jake and the Neverland Pirates.

 

How about you? What ordinary miracle helped you out today?

 

Tilt-A-Whirl

“I got a new girlfriend mommy” and I give you a high-five, because that is what one does in the face of jubilation. And also? I know you have no idea what that means, but I ask anyways.
You respond simply “A new friend. That is also a girl”. Well alright then.

Your sister yelled from her bed at you tonight “I LOVE YOU O, SEE YOU IN THE MORNING” and you responded “I LOVE YOU MORE THAN THE MOON”. And I lay back and I rested in the quiet moment of bliss. The way you used words today like lovely, delightful, divine (to describe cottage cheese no less). Something about these slower days makes my heart beat faster. It is the two of you I’m sure.

And there is E. The way she asks  for the whole of me. Sometimes she just grabs my face and demands the entirety of my gaze, locks me there with hazel super powers. She needs different things than you, so sometimes with your independent ways, hold up in your room, with five cars and a police badge, I forget you for a moment. E will not be forgotten, she sparks to light us up, stokes us to keep us brightly blazing. Anything to make us laugh, make us hold her. You brighten up too. I see you, how you smile when she jokes, when she dances. You told her she was the best girl in the whole earth this week. I think you are right you know. I hope you never forget.

I’ve been spinning like a top even though the whirl has stopped, and it makes me realize that something is not quite right with the axis on which my whole world has been tilting. I am a week into the quiet which is summer for me at the ranch and I am still finding a way to whirlwind past most everything and get nothing done. This is the summer I am to write my first novel. To organize my life. To finally clean my windows (and…well…everything else).

But I gotta tell you. Today I think I realized I just really want to bounce with you on the trampoline. To take the dog for a hike. To read books with the two of you on the deck. To build a dam in a creek. Pick saskatoon and huckleberries. Stare at you…try and magically keep you five and three for the rest of my days.

Yes. That sounds like more than enough.

Country Chronicles: Story of Now

It is the feel of her beach hair, wind  blown and natty. It is his chocolate-brown eyes glowing with the passion of new discovery. It is the laughter that trails behind them as the grasp each moment. It is the songs lilting from outside where they list each and every good thing. It is missing my man and keeping journals so that we can fill him in on all of these gloriously ordinary moments.

It is my heart matching rhythm with maker and all of it making more sense. It is joy in doldrums and passion in dormancy. It is the smell of wild roses and the sun setting through the daisies.  It is tiger lilies at dusk, lupins near everywhere. It is doing battle with the weeds and baking cookies on the day the wind blows and thunder cracks. It is piles of books and to do lists and a marvelous list of 100 things to do this summer. It is finding our own quirky style and learning that all of us can handle near anything if we have long lazy mornings.

It is business meetings on my deck (through the computer) and it is water play. It is popcorn for dinner and breakfast for lunch. It is the thought process each night about how long in the sprinkler might equate to a bath. It is the first harvest from the garden and books on the deck at night.

It is good. We miss you J…but also? We are ok.

Tell me…what was your story today?

 

one thing tuesday (on wednesday): summer reading

Every summer I splurge. The best day of the year, might be, when the summer amazon parcel arrives. WAHOOOO. 

The fiction: Because summer TV is the worst…

The poetry: Because when the children are around and the husband is away is prime time for little bursts of beauty…

The dream chasing: Because it is time…

The Jesus chasing: Because it is all…

The family loving: Because I do…

 

Looking at this list I realize it might take me clear through to Christmas…oh well.

What are you reading this summer? Have you read anything on this list (should I remove any before I even start?!)

California Chronicles

The air is filled with the scent of the roses now and the grass is nearing one foot deep. The wildflowers have all crept out and all of it, this whole place, the deepest green. Words are growing up in me again too and it feels so good.

This last week we ‘road tripped’. Our little family held tight each moment, recognizing that these bliss filled days need to be cherished.

It has been a hard month, this June. None of the weight of it has been mine exactly, but somehow, I’ve managed to pick it up and carry it around. I am really good at that…I think it is the leading cause of my ‘introvertism’. Being with others means that I pack around their problems, strap them onto my shoulders, take them home with me, find a way to blame myself.

I know.

It is something I need to work on. My wise friend says the body of Christ must function like a mosh pit. We hold up the body surfers, the wounded. We share the load, but none of us can bear it alone, we will crumble under it. So, keep passing. Take back the weight when others start to slouch. Keep it evenly distributed.

But the weight, when it falls on us, doesn’t it remind us not to take a single thing about this life for granted? Doesn’t it make you think that nothing about that blessing you are living is guaranteed? Not even that breath you are breathing? None of it is permanent. We must hold it close enough to notice its beauty, loose enough to let it breath, let it grow.

I am feeling strong again…ready to step back into the pit. Summer…here we go again.

Thanking Him for our blessings, the rest, this past week…

698) Wild flowers on the I-5

699) Kids that didn’t fight, not once, all vacation. I know. I am counting it, many times, a blessing!!!

First night…Lake Chelan

700) Her face…meeting those princesses…

701) His face…in his version of the happiest place on earth

Shasta Lake

702) These three…this moment. No words.

703) Sunset dinners

704) Falling in love

705) Seeing new things

706) A pod of dolphins up for a visit

707) Dancing on the pier.

And many other moments to cherish.

Mothers Day

The earthquakes….

Dear O & E,

You are the twin earthquakes that shook my world to the core. The whole axis is bent and time has shifted. The days are so much longer now, while the years grow shorter. One minute I am trying to speed things a long because somehow its taken eight hours between dinner and bedtime, strange thing is, the very next moment I find myself, eyes locked on you, longing for time to STOP. HERE. NOW. Nowhere else.

You altered time and space for me sweet babies. I’m fused to you with a cosmic bond and with all the strength of gravity. Thanks for showing me which way is up and reminding me how very good the One who made it all is.

Love always,

Mommy

Thankful this sweet mothers day:

689) Loved ones the deck

690) Overhearing “E, its mothers day, please don’t mess that up for mommy”

691) My sweet mommy.

692) My dear mother in law.

693) A gorgeous, restful week off.

694) SUNSHINE

695) That boy

696) That girl

697) The thought today as I was frustrated with 695 and 696 and thought to myself  “Wow this is the life” then suddenly overwhelmingly “YES. THIS is the life.

 

Marriage Letters: I trust you because..

Participating in a letter writing challenge at “the Run A Muck”…”because we believe that when we bless our own marriages, we bless the marriages of others. When you go hard after your marriage, I’m encouraged to go after mine”. Hope this letter serves to inspire you to fight for yours.

This week the challenge is on the concept of ‘trust’. 

Dear Joel,

The truth of the matter is, that I have done most everything in my life for only one year. It started when I was five. Highland dance, ballet, figure skating, softball, jogging, rowing, flute (ok, that was three years), choir, musicals, volleyball…I could go on. Basically, I am a quitter.

So naturally the thing I admire most about you is your steadfastness. The way you stand solid in your love and have always made me feel so dreadfully secure. Though I must confess sometimes I don’t believe it. Because seriously, how do you do that thing where you just never quit stuff? I don’t get it. If I was in charge around here we would have quit everything…And I mean everything. We would’ve started things too I am sure. Exciting things, lots of them. It would be fantastic. And yet.

You keep showing me the fruit of the long haul. Of commitment. Of perseverance. You say that you cannot grow anything good without time. That longevity matters. Thirteen years at one church. Nearly fourteen years of marriage. I am starting to believe you.

I used to think that your steadfastness marked a lack of passion, a lack of the truest love. Now I know better. Fidelity takes a heck of a lot more passion than the alternative.

I trust you because the fact that my heart beats new and fresh, yours has always beat a single beat. A rhythm of faithful.

And somehow? When we became one? My heart started keeping your rhythm.

I hope you can hear it….it beats for only you.

Yours.

Meliss