Oftentimes I suspend myself between two nearly fictional worlds. I move into the past, the ways I failed, the people I hurt, the chances I didn’t take. Or, I settle into some mythical future. As if I could predict what is to come. As if planning my response to an imaginary tragedy will help me to avoid it.
I keep waiting for something in some ways, always rushing to the next thing. I rush the day I am in trying to get there, even though I don’t know at all what could be in store. Maybe it will be worse? I rush bedtime so that I can hustle off to….where?
This year, my 35th on the planet of earth, I want to live in the NOW. I want to be FULLY engaged in the life I have today. There doesn’t feel like there is time to waste in the ‘becoming’, my life is NOW. Tomorrow may not even come, and today is the only true story.
NOW….My kids, I want to press into them, 6 and 4 is magic and I don’t want to miss any of it. I will enjoy them in each moment.
NOW…I feel Gods not so subtle invitations back into the ministry fray that he pulled me out of (I did not kick or scream). I am planning yes to any NOW he puts before me.
NOW…is the time to learn how to love my husband with the kind of love that frees him, builds him. None of us is promised every tomorrow with these loved ones as they are now. How can we love them better?
NOW…I will call myself explorer of this life. I will look for opportunities to chase the dreams long placed in my heart. NOW I will open doors, pick up my pen, write it down. That mythical perfect writing day is not coming, I will make room NOW.
NOW…I will notice the days, count them, consecrate them. I will live them with intention knowing that this, here, TODAY, is my life. I will fully live it.
If you’ve followed this blog for any length of time, you know I am brilliant at starting things. I just never seem to finish them, so no resolutions for me, just the declaration to fully live the life I have NOW (also since I am turning 35, I am going to lose 35 lbs, read 35 books, spend 35% less time on the computer and exercise 35% more…jokes, jokes).