I’ve done it more times than I care to count. Lined up the moments of my life one after the next like so many bowling pins that need only be knocked down. I’ve thrown the ball hard, hoping they would all fall at once. I’ve rushed the children through our day, I’ve walked fast, done a million things all at once if possible so that…what? The alley would be tidy, but the game would be over. The gutters are full of the people I’ve rushed by.

My man is home. And the children have two weeks left of quiet moments and unrestricted freedom. I want to enjoy it deep with them. I want to notice the smallest pieces of beauty. I want to explore and experience and I want to refuse to sit on any sideline. I want to laugh as freely as they do. I want to squeeze every bit of joy from these days. We will read books on the swing whilst watching the setting sun, listen to the wind whistling, wait for the house to cool off in a body of water somewhere. We will not waste these moments or take them…or each other…for granted.

Tell me…how will you look for the blessings and beauty in your day?

Asleep on a layover…, a photo by one thing blog an online journal by Melissa Fedder on Flickr.

Enroute to Uganda. Unfortunately Air Canada was delayed thus making us miss our Montreal connection and throwing off THE WHOLE trip. We loose a day with the Aylards 😦 but gain a night on Air Canada in London. Sad turn of events but we will be sure to make the very best of it. Hour eight in Vancouver airport…the camera is cleaned, the software updated, I learned to use this feature on Flickr.

Wishing you rest, peace, joy, love, and a little bit of mess…

“How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.” ~Annie Dillard

It was one of those days where there was too much to get done and not enough motivation to get started. So you know what I did? Nothing. I sipped coffee and I chased after my children. I had a pillow fight with the pillows already left on the floor. After a busy, away from home weekend, I really should have spent the day cleaning. Instead, we cuddled a lot. We danced a little. We wrestled on the area rug and we read books and we baked dozens of cupcakes and licked clean every spoon. We talked about how to do right and being a kind brother.

The housework will wait. Not for long, I believe strongly in a home well made, in mamma  loving her family by creating safe and comfy spaces. I’m learning though, that safe and comfy does not translate to surgical grade sterility. I never feel more at home than when I spot a dust bunny under your living room furniture.

I’ve been thinking often lately that a well lived life has very little to do with the time you have but with how you spend it. Six years ago I was incredibly efficient. People were pulled into the pulleys and motors of my life chewed up and spit out. Everything moving so fast I had no control over the outcomes. I judged others on how full their calendars were, how much output they produced, how efficiently they could produce it. The one most marred by the pace was my own spirit. I forgot what it needs to thrive.

So now, I try to carve out moments for ink and paper, for Bread of Life, for playing outside. The things that whisper hope to me. The places I find my strength, the identity that stands stronger than the day-to-day incidentals and failures.

How is your time carving going? Are you creating sweet moments for God to speak to you in your deepest places? Do you even know what that feels like? Do you remember how to find Him?

I know if feels like luxury friend…it isn’t. Make quiet space to breathe in air that smells like earth. To eat words that taste like truth.  One day, realizing your soul has died back will take much more time to repair; will cost much more than the few minutes it takes to live fully.

My kids don’t sit still. Bedtime has been, most days, the only time the two will simultaneously submit to story-time. Rarely will my son willingly sit down at the table to do anything closely related to crafts, writing or colouring (unless of course I can somehow involve construction…then he will sit for longer periods). Yesterday we slept through preschool (I know it sounds wonderful but it was only because of a strange night of less sleep than newborn phase!).

Anyhooo…..I had it in my head that we would make up for skipping school with our own version so I called them to circle time. My son called me ‘teacher’ and put his imaginary carpet square down and ran to find his show and tell. They sat on the rug for forty-five minutes while we did finger plays, songs, stories and a teaching time about letters. We proceeded to the kitchen table for play dough time which my son participated in until he said “Teacher Melissa, can we please have free time?”

It happened again today. North American animals, a bible study, two songs followed by a dance party.

So lesson learned…All I need to do to get my children to cooperate is pretend I am someone else.

I’ve been on the prowl for some interesting learning links as I prepare for next year. We’ve made the choice to hold O back one more year, but I really want to get the most of our year together.

Anyways…here are some interesting articles/links that have been fun for planning :

An article that helped me decide I felt good about waiting for a year

Does ordering this book make me a hippy?

Preschool and Kindergarten Learning Activities

We are doing this April Calender too!

Hey friends…Michelle Marie in particular…Are there any good website that you would recommend? Creative, fun, nature activities? Love to hear thoughts!

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It’s easy to sleep walk through days. To wander through your home, to stumble over children, to stare at television or computer screens. Sometimes we forget that moments are precious and fleeting. Sometimes we forget that these moments that seem so ordinary are the only ones we have and that these children are being shaped by them. That these little people who are only little one moment and grow to big the next will be defined by these not so ordinary, ordinary moments.

How do we embrace today? Eyes wide open? Heart all here? How do we wake up and not let sleep walking be the order of the day? How do we face it when we want to hide for a few minutes? When the day feels nightmarish and not sweet dreamish?

We do our best to splash the water of awareness on our faces and remember that it likely is the only time he will spill an entire bowl of mushroom soup on my freshly washed floor…

But also the only week he will learn to ride his bike and to wear pride (and a brand new cape that Gummy made) like a banner:

Remember that while she has grown irritable and feisty this last week, that she has also grown more like me. That she has grown into very good best friend material and that she will likely never again wear an apron (or super hero cape), read a cook book and lean on my shelf full of cook books:

We might never again have matching shoes this cool…

That those gorgeous geese will never again fly over when I have my camera at the ready..

We remember to take the good with the bad. To grab gratitude by the throat and to wrestle it into submission. That all can be received as very good gifts….even when he pushes her off a coffee table. That will never happen again right?

5 minute prompt from Gypsy Mamma

If you lose your husband you are a widow. If you lose your parents, you are an orphan, but there is no word I know for when you lose a child. I think it’s because it is the unspeakable.

One year ago I stood in airport holding placard with scrawled name and I held strangers tight and my tongue swelled to ten times its normal size as I tried to find the answers that I didn’t know.

“We just talked to her this morning”

The lights were too bright when we arrived and I stood at threshold of door as father went and sat next to cold daughter and my mamma heart jumped up and down in my chest shouting “no” on their behalf but I stood calmly beside eyes all tear filled, tongue all thick.

One year later we stand at new memorial. Wind blows icy and the crowd gathered tightly we try not feel icily right through to the bones…gathering tight to remind each other we are still not alone. We look at photograph of 18-year-old now a year gone and we lay down flowers and lit up candles. Tongue grows thick again as I hug parents and we all remember hospital lights.  I remember that life is but a breath and I’ve no time for lazy and no opportunity for regrets. Life is too short to not love well.

I went home and held daughter tight, grab son for dear life. I won’t ever stop.

Lost this morning.

Don’t know where to start.

Many, many things I should be doing,

rather than sitting pen in hand.

Except I know that pen writes me back to You.

These scratched pages, this black ink,

writes the map of my heart…

I will follow it back to You.

You who flung the stars in place,

You who drew mountains from the sea,

You who painted the fish,

You who set the orbits, request that my heart revolve around You

So I write.

Follow the map to set myself on course.

I am found.