When it wasn’t all Valentines and Love Letters: When Opposites Attract

Participating in a letter writing challenge at “the Run A Muck”…encouraging others about marriage. It ain’t easy. This week for the challenge I wanted you to  know, that we know,  how hard  marriage can be, that there is seasons. If you are in a dry one now? You just might come through the other side. And pop culture reference? Paula Abdul “Opposites Attract” single was the first music I ever bought with my own money. It was a bit of foreshadowing…

Dear Joel,

I know you think it is weird. That quirk I have of reading obituaries almost every day. It started when I worked palliative care and I wanted to see if my patients had died or not. Now I can’t stop.

It isn’t the only weird thing you know about me. You know the weird ambitions I have, the cliché’ ones.

I like how you call me out on my fears now. You say “tell me…what do you really think is going to happen here?” I pause, and that feeling in my gut diminishes, usually there isn’t much reason in it.

I love, how we know when the other is going to laugh at something. Those quirky things that drive us nuts. Like how you glance at me sideways when someone says ‘just sayin’ you think I might go for the jugular. I don’t, but often my claws do show. Sometimes, when I am out with others, I look at them, waiting to laugh at our jokes. They don’t get it. I miss you then.

It wasn’t always like this. There were those few years, right around our seven-year mark where I got burnt out. It wasn’t you exactly. It was life in general. I thought about heading for the hills. I wanted to hide from the world in a cabin in the woods. I told you I was running away from home, that you could come with me if you wanted, but make no mistake; I was going. It was all a little much.

It was mostly the babies lost. We grieved those miscarriages differently. You dug in deeper with the kids we had been given already; Those in the youth group. I got angry with them, perhaps I blamed them for the loss. I thought maybe you were right; that God was calling us to have those kids alone. I blamed you too.

But. You were patient with me, all the same. You waited while I turned back into myself. It took forever.

You and me? Next time the ‘big uglies’ of life face us? I think, I know, we will do it better. I will know you need different things and that doesn’t mean you are any less distraught. We are different. One of us is not better.

I’m so happy I waited to head for the hills with you. That together and today is so much better than all our yesterdays. We will forever tell those who follow us down this crazy marriage path: There will be a phase where marriage seems harder than it is worth. It is a lie. You will come out the other side with a complexity and understanding of each other that wasn’t there before. You will laugh again. You will dream again. Fight for it friends it just takes time for the team to come together as one. Time and trial and a whole lotta prayer and understanding.

Thanks for sticking around J-Fed. I wasn’t my favorite person those years either.

But you? You are the only one I would ever want on my team. The only one I would fight to keep.



10 thoughts on “When it wasn’t all Valentines and Love Letters: When Opposites Attract

  1. just beautiful. I too have a husband who often we stare at each other blankly, completely in awe at how different we are. You give me hope for the seasons… this past one was hard for us. I feel us moving forward… a little bloodied, but stronger.

  2. Melissa for many years I thought that we were never close possibly because we were very different, when I read this I realize that we are popssibly very much the same and find your words to your husband comforting and familiar. Thank you for sharing 🙂

  3. “You waited while I turned back into myself. It took forever.”

    yes, ma’am. and for this, they are good good good.

    loved hearing your heart in this, melissa. didn’t know about those babies lost, but your determination to love through it is such encouragement.

  4. Oh how my heart breaks for you guys knowing you lost those babies.
    Marriage can be very challenging, so challenging you can’t seem to pick yourself up off your knees. It’s in those times when God really meats you where your at, when you can almost feel those arms around you, when in all that pain , turmoil and disconnect there is a quiet peace only God given. If your able to walk trough the pain and challenges and know God already knows how it will turn out, that leap of faith is worth all that pain. It is worth it! Amen to that.

  5. thank you for sharing melissa. marriage is tough and those dark times seem long, but God has a way of redeeming those moments…maybe he planned them that way in the first place 🙂

  6. Pingback: One More Marriage Letter: On Patience « one thing blog

  7. Pingback: Marriage: Knotted « one thing blog

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