I find myself clinging to them this week. Holding too close and trying to absorb them back into myself. They seem too big. They do things like go to school and have reasonable conversations and go on carnival rides unaccompanied. Yesterday as I watched them play at the school my breath caught in my throat and I had this urge to slow the earth and trap the moment. The grass seemed greener, from the days of rain, and the sky bluer than usual as it was the first we’ve seen in days, there was a breath of wind blowing that made it a perfect day. I didn’t have my camera but I still need to capture it.
I watched little Miss Cautious stand at the top of the hill and then measure her steps so that she didn’t get going too fast. I remembered how I didn’t ever need to gate my stairs because she would call for me and wait at the top until I would come to her. The day her feet were sure she took her first step…months later than her brother. I consider how time is flying and I think about who she will be and what this temperament might mean for her. I prepare myself already to help her be bold in relationship, to take risk, to let loose, to embrace adventure. Her blond ringlets glint in the March sun while her life stretches out before her in that grassy field and I think that once her feet are sure they will not turn right or left, she is a child of a single mind. Her cautious nature is rivaled only by her tenacity.
I watch little Mr. Headlong as he catapults himself down the hill, sure-footed and fleet. He runs far and farther and little sister who won’t let him be more than 10 feet from her these days gets nervous and calls to him across the field and her voice echoes back and they run into each others arms and fall in hysterics both laughing too hard to get back up. He brushes cheek, gentle. He tells killer jokes these days and he loves to makes us laugh. He tells his sister that he loves her and misses her when she isn’t ‘by his side’. I think about who he will be too and then suddenly stop…
Even daydreaming about tomorrow takes away something from today.
And today is good and I’m relishing every moment…it is Gift.