To be both Dead and Alive


Today the kids and I had some time to kill. We stumbled into a marvelous stand of birch trees circling round a small marsh. There was some mallard and wood ducks, two Canadian Geese. We sat and watched them for a long time. One of the mallards had a blue beak, the kids had never noticed before how the ducks walk on water sometimes, how they can be still swimming, but almost flying.

I have become obsessed with the how of things lately. In a world so obsessed with a product, an end, immediate results, I myself am newly tuned into the HOW? The process is the product in all things.

A good relationship is not a thing you attain, it is something you create, daily. It is never static and it never stands still. These loves of yours are always on their way one way or the other. Which direction are you headed?

In leadership…My favourite quote has long been that the best we can do is ‘let people down at a pace they can handle’. And when we do, we circle back. We say: “I know I let you down, I know we are not going the direction you had hoped but I hope we can build something new together”. As a Christian, it is a little easier (or should be) because we also get to say “I am only heading the same way you are…I hope I don’t kick any rocks up in your windshield…lets go together…fix our eyes on HIM”.

2016-03-25-01.07.03-1.jpg.jpeg And Oh. Motherhood. I have always told you how hard I find it. How difficult. I think the cause is the same. Motherhood is not something you can evaluate. It is not something you can check off at the end of the day, and you certainly do not get any recognition. And so. We check our process…what is it just today, that our system produced? What direction are we headed? Was there more love, peace, patience, kindness and joy in our home? Or…no?


It is Good Friday today. I could not help but note the perfect metaphor as we walked. Most of the marsh is still dead. No leaves. But then. Just starting to bud and burst a certain tree was beginning to wake up, to resurrect itself to spring.

Here I am on Good Friday and He said “It is finished”, but there are all these rocks yet to be rolled off of me. There is all this dead in me yet to rise.

The sinner made saint…and yet.

I only want to be the Kingdom version of myself…if only.

To be both dead to self and alive in Him.

How it is always both/and. The process of our santification is always thus.

A process.


(Joining with Kate Motaung and her 5 minute writing community and if you want to think more about our spiritual journey as process…I came across this and loved it…)


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