There is a place, just there between sound asleep and wide awake. It is a heavy place, dampened by all my anxious thoughts, heavy with all the weight of the world, the incomplete masses. It is burdened with the dreamland, of not quite real, but not entirely fiction either. The hybrid of my most terrifying truths and the deepest lies in Hell. It is filled with the thank yous unsaid, the moments I should have showed up, the tasks undone, and the people I’ve disappointed all of them here pointing in the dark shadows of an empty room. Here is the liminality when I am not yet sure if that nightmare is truth or if horrible real was just a dream, here where flesh rules with all its translucent skin, its collapsing and failing cells.
This is the place just before I can see my way to casting all my anxiety on Him. It is the place just shy of remembering my redemption, the just-before-a future glory. It is the place where I all I know is my flesh, how extraordinarily broken it is. How it reminds me of all things I want to do, but do not do.
Here is this place, more than any other, I see my way back to Hope. Don’t you see it? Whereever it is you find yourself most extraordinarily other than the “WHO” you want to be, there is where HE meets you, changes you, shows you your truest fears and most authentic broken. There. There where you know there is more to you than THIS, there on the other side of the end of yourself where HE begins.
Find Him there. Your most broken is also the first place healed.
I have missed your voice. Don’t know why I stayed away for so long but grateful he brought me back over to your place today. This is on my lips these days. This, nearly word for word. I was hungry to hear it expressed by another Saint. Soul food.
Oh man…what a beautiful comment…thanks so much!!!
yes. this murky place of first and last thoughts all wrapped tight about us. such beautiful word images here. so much love to you.
Love to you too friend! Thanks so much for reading!