Turns Out I am Only Inspired to Write on Marriage: Your Job, my job.

I thought I was done with this for awhile, but the topic of ‘your job, my job’ was too tempting to ignore. Participating in a letter writing challenge at “the Run A Muck”…encouraging others about marriage. 

Photo Credit Ms. Sydney Renning!

Dear Joel,

People don’t make facebook statuses, praising the Lord about what I did this weekend. No. Despite the fact that the dog barfed on newly washed floors, the children fought non-stop because of underlying exhaustion from just-getting-better-and-are-good-enough-to-fight-but-not-good-enough-to-cope-with-anger, I haven’t showered in a solid two. Despite the fact that I caught up with six months of house work. No. I like to think that the children around here will remember it at least, but I don’t think it is true. I let them watch Winnie the Pooh one too many times. It isn’t the thing memories are made of.

We parachuted in for the last session yesterday morning and I watched you in your element. How you pulled it all together, orchestrated it like a magnificent symphony. I am always dumb struck when I see it. And I’ll tell you what. Being removed now from the nitty-gritty of the beast? It is so much easier for me to see the beauty of the thing. You can see the beauty even in the nitty-gritty. It is your greatest gift…your ability to see the best despite all evidence to the contrary. I think it is how you’ve managed to stay in love with me, with ministry.

I’ve gone back to work a little this year. Turns out it refuels me to slip out of here, now and then. But. Its been tricky. The balls are hitting the floor with greater frequency. The house sits in disarray more often than not. You don’t notice that either, though you do notice when any one of the three of us is struggling. You pick up my slack and always tell me to enjoy the children, ignore the mess. I listen. I’m nothing if not submissive (WINK, WINK, NUDGE, NUDGE).

There are days when I want to trade you places, to be in the midst of things again. The thing is I know I wouldn’t survive a week at your break neck pace. And, there are plenty of gross clean ups in youth ministry too. I KNOW this. You may have cleaned up barf this weekend too. I really wouldn’t be surprised. You cleaned up after 1500 kids. I only had two. People don’t make facebook statuses about how many juice boxes you cleaned off the floor, how many complaints you fielded, how many phone calls you accepted. Yes. You couldn’t pay me enough.

You and I? Different. It took it us a long time to be ok with our lives looking different. It took about six years to give myself permission to not keep up with you. The opposite is also true. As much as you love uninterupted time with us, by the end of eight hours when I come in from my one full work day you make an excuse to go work in the yard. I wouldn’t go back to the old days when we tried to be the same. Refueling looks different between the two of us. Allowing permission for that to happen has been the best thing that ever happened to us.

You and I are two very different parts of one whole, pulled together for HIS purpose. We both know that it is the only way we could hold together.

Holding on for dear life,

Meliss

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9 thoughts on “Turns Out I am Only Inspired to Write on Marriage: Your Job, my job.

  1. Beautiful! I loved this paragraph:

    “You and I? Different. It took it us a long time to be ok with our lives looking different. It took about six years to give myself permission to not keep up with you. The opposite is also true. As much as you love uninterupted time with us, by the end of eight hours when I come in from my one full work day you make an excuse to go work in the yard. I wouldn’t go back to the old days when we tried to be the same. Refueling looks different between the two of us. Allowing permission for that to happen has been the best thing that ever happened to us.”

    So much wisdom there.

  2. I love that he encourages you to enjoy the children. Things are always a big, hot hoopty mess in these parts, and I use Team Umizoomi as a crutch entirely too often. But we’re mostly happy, and I think that counts for a lot. May God continue to bless and keep.

  3. “your ability to see the best despite all evidence to the contrary” – what a gift! And I cracked up with your submissive wink wink comment. This was a very powerful letter. It gave me a couple of things I want to work on in my own life, in my own marriage.

  4. Love this. It’s nice to grab a peek at another husband’s world. I used to youth minister… way back in another lifetime.

    Thanks for joining us with the letters. This was a good one.

  5. “just-getting-better-and-are-good-enough-to-fight-but-not-good-enough-to-cope-with-anger.”

    yes. this is the name of the town that we spent the weekend in. i nearly dosed myself with Benadryl. i feel your pain, sister.

    love your letters to your man – i say keep writing ’em.

  6. Did you know that before I was married to an attorney, I was married to a youth minister – as in, Seth used to be a youth minister in a pretty big church. Oh my. He made like 20 cents an hour. We didn’t have kiddos back then either.

    Girl, I ALWAYS love it here. Thank you for this.

  7. Pingback: Marriage: Knotted « one thing blog

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