When I first began to pray, perched in my window, listening to the tick of irrigation,
my prayers were concrete and desperate pleas.
So aware of my own smallness, trusting something bigger than myself…
“Heal my daddys back”, “help me fit in at school”
As a teen my prayers were trapped in melodrama, hidden in religious lace.
Certain I was holier than thou,
watching the sinners pound their chests while I prayed
“thank you God, that I am not like them’
As a young adult, my prayers found their feet.
They shifted as my identity and priorities did.
They changed as I met Jesus in all my ineptitude.
They changed as I realized how wrong my priorities had been,
“Oh Lord, break my heart with the things that break yours”
And now my prayers are raw.
A heart laid bare.
Desperate pleas for wisdom, for grace, for patience.
Pretense aside.
Humbled by a call much too big.
So aware of my own smallness
All I can do is plead and praise.
Linking from my archives to:
one thing blog 
I think I’ve gone through the same journey of prayer. Now, I don’t even know what I mean when I say prayer, because I’m not sure what God is wanting from us in this communication. Is communication alone the point? Spiritual solace? I wish I knew.
oh, this is beautiful!
Yes to prayers that are raw. Yes to a hear laid bare. This is a beautiful poem.
wow. this is wonderful and honest and beautiful. I love it Melissa.
*nodding* beautiful.
Humbled by a call much too big.
So aware of my own smallness
melissa… i love this prayer-journey. i’m on it too, sister, and feeling oh so small and what a big world, and what a bigger God… i so appreciate you. i would LOVE love love to go to a mumford and sons concert 🙂 i was actually just thinking the other day that they would be GREAT live. and wine? woot!! just let me know when and where 🙂
What an awesome description of the development of maturity… 🙂
a heart laid bare…pretense aside. Oh how I long for this. Too often I think I’m just busy so I pray to include Him on my team, to help me make my touchdown. I forget that this is His game, His universe and often what He wants from me is my time, my attention, raw and without pretense, just with Him. A heart laid bare, Melissa, I just love this.
and with this line:
“my prayers were trapped in melodrama, hidden in religious lace”
the laughable floral jumpers and seriously wayward heart attitude of my teenage religiosity returns to me.
i loved this post — and your searching is mine, too.